You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
