One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
