last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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