i love accidental penises.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
