I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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