before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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