Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize