very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
