he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
