i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
