i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
