If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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