First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
