That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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