Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize