There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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