Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
