I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
