i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
