He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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