Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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