Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
