Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
did i walk over a car last night?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize