i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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