her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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