I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
