Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
