I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
