i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
