Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize
