life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
