I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
