highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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