The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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