In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
