Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
