Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
