i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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