You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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