a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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