that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
