bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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