whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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