After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize