kristin has been a bad kristin
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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