dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
