Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
