Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
