Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I stole a fireplace last night.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
