he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
