Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
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