When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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