Just cropdusted the office
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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