So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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