Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
