and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
