Fuck appropriateness.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
