I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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