I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
