I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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