guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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