girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
