there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
