we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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