My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
