yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
