ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
